A Word About Kindness

I've noticed recently in my outreach an uptick in snippy, and frankly rude replies (to be clear, a TINY portion of all the folks who engage with me, but still an uptick) to my prospect outreach.

Recently, I received this one: ”Holy shit stop emailing me. We don't need a VO artist.” That was the whole reply. 

For context, this was in reply to my third email over a period of 13 weeks and the first one in the last 12 weeks. All three of my emails had a link to stop being contacted, which they never clicked. This was their first “request” to not be contacted anymore.

This is someone who in their LinkedIn bio describes themselves as a pro. Their actions say differently.

Yes, everyone is stressed. We have a global health crisis, rampant systemic racism (certainly nothing new), social and political unrest, catastrophic natural disasters, climate change, staggering unemployment, and massive disruption to our basic routines.

There are a lot of people… politicians, the media, even some businesses… who have a vested interest in stirring the pot and spreading devisiveness. They literally profit from confrontation, conflict, and infighting.

We’re in an age where ideological manipulation is weaponized to the advantage of those doing the manipulating. We’re pitted one against another. Democrat against Republican. White against Black. Male against female. Friend against friend. Family member against family member.

Tensions are high. Nerves are raw. Tempers are quick. I get it.

If you’re someone who receives outreach from freelancers, sales pros, etc., especially now, when people are doing whatever they can to put food on their tables (and often on the tables of everyone in their company), please be gentle in your responses.

The fact is, the sales pros who are hustling right now are likely keeping the people who are replying rudely to outside salespeople in their jobs.

You can be kind, even while being clear. There's no excuse for being an unprofessional dick. It takes 10 seconds to change a curt, one-word reply (e.g. STOP) to an acknowledgment of someone's humanity.

If you receive this type of outreach constantly and have no need, it’s fine to compose a standard kind and gentle reply which you copy and paste. Something like…

“Thanks for reaching out. I admire your hustle and realize many people are struggling right now. The fact is we [don’t use, have no need for, are happy with our providers of] [your product or service]. If I think of anyone you may be able to help, I’ll gladly forward your information. I wish you all the best. Hang in there and stay healthy.”

And if you’re a freelancer of sales/development type and someone should reply rudely to you, it's still no excuse to counter-reply disrespectfully. Apologize for being off-target, let them know you won’t reach out anymore, sincerely wish them well, and gently encourage them to be kinder to the next person reaching out.

Trust me, I struggle with this, too. It's natural to want to hit back.

Again, it’s ok to write your counter-reply ahead of time, well before you receive a hate-gram, when you’re not emotional, and simply copy and paste it into your counter-reply.

Having stock, set language at the ready minimizes the temptation to lash out, and ensures that you’re being just as polite to the assholes as you are to the people who take the time to be kind.

I also find that it helps me to let go of the resentment around their disrespect so much quicker.

I have a dear friend who recently forgot about a meeting. I was hurt and angry because this was not the first time. My resentment made me want to lash out. The best I could muster was something along the lines of “I’ll reach out to reschedule when I’m in a friendlier mood.” Not great. Not kind.

The world needs us to take a higher road. You'll thank yourself later with your head held higher.

I wish I had been more empathetic to my friend. I apologized, but I dinged the relationship and that has to be repaired over time. I wish I had stock language ready to go so that I could be kind and empathetic before I got back to that state emotionally. Now I do. So, the next time that happens, I can respond out of empathy, whether I’m feeling it or not.

I choose to think that even the people who are rude are not jerks and losers, but people who are frustrated, stressed, and overwhelmed. That they come to regret their disrespect. And that, by gently and kindly wishing them well and encouraging them to be kinder moving forward, who knows, you may even stay on their radar.

Have a lovely day.